I feel like abortions should bother me more
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
