There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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