I heard we made out
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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