This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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