By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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