Only a mothe r could love this liver
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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