The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
