Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
