there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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