woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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