Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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