I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize