dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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