I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize