I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
