Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
