We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
