we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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