Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
