i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize