We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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