He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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