I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
