Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
