was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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