Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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