I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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