Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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