so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
