Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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