I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
