I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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