I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
