I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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