Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
