Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize