Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
