Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
