I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
