The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
