is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
