I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
