He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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