please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
why is half of my head shaved?
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