Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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