So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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