If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
