I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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