his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
