Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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