who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
