Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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