I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
