Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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