I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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