It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
