maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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