Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
