I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
