The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
