OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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