I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
