I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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