i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
