Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
