Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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