Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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