If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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