do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
