Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
