I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
