guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
