i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
