i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
North Korea, Best Korea!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
