she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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