is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
