david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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