checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
