Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Randomize
