Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
