I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
