Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The adults are the big ones right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
