he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
