New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
