Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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