genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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