Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
