My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
