Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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