I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
