i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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