dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
