I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize