Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
