hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
