I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
