apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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