Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize