Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
