We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
