apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
