I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
