Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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