your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
