just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
