Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
