She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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