I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize