Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
