To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
