eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
