he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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