Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
