oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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