You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
