A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
